We'll Call It Christmas When The Adverbs Begin

oh hey blog.

There is something in the air.

I think around the holidays we tend to retreat to the memories of what it is was we did last year and for whatever reason, we want to keep doing that same thing year after year if we somehow found happiness in it. My mind keeps bubbling over this time last year and the year before that and the one before that, and even the faint memory the one before that. Its always the same for the most part, but my attachments, my struggles, my position, my desires and my views are the variables. I think this year more than ever I've wanted things to stay the same yet also move over into a more comfortable state of being. I want all of this bundled more tightly. Wait and know.

happy holidays.

I need a brand name.

I will spend the next 3 weeks of my life searching every periodical, staring at every flyer on the sidewalk, looking up names of Greek gods on wikipedia, and paying annoyingly close attention to all TV commercials in the hope of stumbling across a prefect single word. I suppose a word pair would also do. Here enlies new direction, new goals, a reason to become emerged in the frivolous world of fashion.

fall

It wasn't the cold that got to me that Fall. Nor was it your ever changing moods. Those could be counted upon, battled down or stirred up.

I am stir crazy and feel unsettled yet again.

,,, time ,,,

So I haven't been writting.
I have sometimes been flossing.
and I mostly have stopped smoking.
4 in 12 days.

i suppose half a commitment to some goals is better than none at all.

i'm looking at my hands in the glow of the computer screen.
they are starting to look old.
i wonder how they will look when i am double my age? when i am tripple my age they will just be bones.

I have lived a quater of my life thus far. Over the past couple of days I've been randomly reminded of the things I have done with my time. I remember over sleeping one day in Europe and escaping tradegy or something far worse ... it was the day my niece was born, the time Matt plowed his car into that bank in the snow and how he worried while sitting in my room with the white world outside, getting baptized in a cold water creek - dressed in white -when I was a kid, playing soft ball with my dad in the front yard, driving somewhere mundane when I was in high school feeling adventure lurked around the next bend, sitting with jeffery in his silver honda civic in the barnes and nobles parking lot with our seats pushed back staring at the ceiling having a really nice talk about something I cannot remember, summer nights at Gretchen's house (the world seemed so large and the possibilties so endless), a trip to Dinsey World in which a pack of sandwiches, garnoal bars, and V8 juice was kept handy at all times, making love for the first time - how the entire memory is a view from overhead, swimming in Clarke Hill lake everyday for one summer with the two kids i baby sat, trying on prom dresses with my mom - the look on her face when something didn't fit, the look on it when something did, the first time I went to Magic in Las Vegas and the way I felt when I came home....

Happy 2009

I promise to start writting again, stop smoking and keep on flossing.

I've been pretty good about the flossing so far.

Dow Chemical's prices are going up by 25%.

Lowe's is increasing prices. That's because the housing market is in a slump and people are selling for 17% under market value (on average).

Peanut Butter in Hawaii costs $7.95.

UPS charges are nuts.

By January 2009 it is predicted that the US unemployment rate will be up to 6%.

Blah.

A Few Things ...

First, I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage vows. This one is popular: “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live”. This in turn leads me to think about divorce. I’ve been really curious about why or why not certain marriages end and why some work out. I wonder a lot about what the people were feeling, what their thought process was – at the beginning, in the middle, at the end. Maybe it’s the amount of people I know getting back together with their ex. Which is interesting because I’m finding that I’m ridiculously accepting? Or maybe it was the 5 days I spent vacationing with Casey’s Dads side of the family. I wondered what it’d be like if I had ended up divorced with two boys, the one on the other side of all of this. It’d be extremely hard and I think I understand some fears now that I didn’t before. On the other hand sometimes staying in a bad marriage or relationship can be just as damaging for the parties involved so it remains a grey area. It’s just been on my mind.

Secondly, I’m going through another one of those semi weird life changes. I’m got some interesting things going on with work. I’m moving yet again, which is proving to be a forced cleansing process.

Third, the American economy is awful and unemployment is going up up up. But more about that later.